How do men think? Men’s thinking is differently to women. They like to solve problems. Generally, men like to ‘fix’ things. Girls, if you’ve ever had trouble getting your man to listen, then this one’s for you…
Would you agree that pregnancy is a happy time for most women? I remember our excitement when we had our first baby. We made a conscious decision to have children young having been married at 21 and feeling that we would still be young enough to enjoy them. Now, I realise that once you start pulling at the threads of that kind of logic it really doesn’t take too long before its completely threadbare. Being young, we thought we knew better than everyone else – so leave us alone!
At 24 we were having children
Our first was going to be Jessikah or Josiah, depending on the sex. But this first baby was never meant to be! I learned from first-hand experience how miscarriage can be very traumatic physically and mentally, as I watched my wife endure it. Losing a baby is a difficult thing to deal with at any age but, as an immature 24-year-old, it was tough!
Needing to be a man
I felt totally inadequate. It was one of the first moments in my life when I had the acute feeling of needing to be ‘the man’. To be honest I felt totally inadequate – under-prepared and just downright lost! I could not “fix” Roslyn no matter how hard I tried. When I look back at that time, it was so clear to me that one of the God-ordained parts of manhood was trying desperately to assert itself – the need to fix things!
How men think – Men are problem solvers and their first impulse when faced with brokenness is “fix it”
Broken things desperately need fixing! This is the heartbeat of God – He sent His Son to earth to fix broken humanity.
The next year we had our Jessikah and the journey of parenthood had begun. Our next child came three years later. We named her Chloe.
Jessikah is now 11 years old and has a little 8-year-old sister. It seems that we have the perfect little family! Yes, there is a lot of oestrogen in our house. Yes, some days I lose count of the different moods and some moods I cannot even name! But it’s ok, because in a house with three women, my need to fix things is well and truly met.
How men think – We men really do like to fix stuff.
We fix cars – well I don’t! But that’s why God invented mechanics. I do fix a LOT of broken toys; my girls think that Dad and a tube of super glue can change the world! I keep telling them it’s not true, but they just keep breaking more toys.
A few years ago, we decided it was time for me to make things final and get… ‘The Snip’!
We had been planning on this for several years, but due to timing or money or some other thing, we always put it off
Late last year we had big scare when we had a breakage in the ‘protection’ department and I literally felt my world closing in around me.
I became very motivated and made the booking for the ‘snip’ the very next day! As my appointment with permanent contraception was beginning to loom large on the horizon, I came home from work to one of the most surreal conversations I’ve ever had.
“I’m late”.
“Come again?”
“I’m late”.
“Late for what?”
“You’re not listening, I’m LATE!”
“Um… Maybe you’re just late. These things happen, don’t they?”
“Mark! I haven’t been late in 7 years.”
In a strange parallel, the helpless feeling I had when Roslyn miscarried was the same helpless feeling I had when faced with her surprise pregnancy. There was nothing I could do to ‘fix’ her.
A few weeks later I was curled up on the couch after my ‘surgery’ clutching bags of frozen peas on the very same weekend that her morning sickness arrived in full force!
I can report that we are now very happy about our new little addition. W are having a boy and his name will be Josiah.
Lesson learnt
Even though I couldn’t fix the problem which made me very frustrated, I began to realize that in fact Roslyn didn’t need to be fixed, she just needed me to listen. I was able to switch off my brains solution centre and just begin to hear her. When your partner begins to share her struggles, your first instinct will most likely be to try to fix the problem.
This is why when you offer your “fix it” advice, she gets annoyed. She just wants to talk about it! She may even have heard you say something like this – “I told you what you need to do! If you don’t want to do it then what else can I do?”
Men and women really are different, but the synergy that happens when a man and a woman really listen to one another is utterly amazing!
Women, let your man know that by simply listening to you, he is helping you “fix” the problem
If you can remember when all you want is for him to listen, then you can both begin to communicate on a much more level playing field. He will begin to realize that it’s not always about the solution, sometimes it’s about hearing and understanding. You can forgive him if he goes into fix-it mode because you realize that he’s only trying to help you. It’s the way God made him!
By Mark Paul
God made each of us for a purpose. Watch this video you’ll find God’s purpose for you.