In this teaching session Wilma Watson will seek to answer the question “Why am I so stressed and anxious?” How stressed are you?
We live in a very stressful society and stress is affecting us all emotionally, physically and spiritually. Life can be overwhelming at times! When you are continually stressed and anxious, it would be wise to look at the root cause. Watch this:
Let’s see how inner shame makes us feel.
Inner shame is not necessarily from DOING anything wrong, but the FEELINGS and thoughts that you are somehow wrong, defective, inadequate, or not good enough. It will cause you to become stressed!
Inner shame makes us deep down, feel that we are lacking. That we are never enough or doing enough! It drives us to perform so that we get our affirmation from others. This can be very stressful and could be what is the underlying cause of you being stressed!
‘I struggled with anxiety and feeling stressed all my life. My inner critic continually told me that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t do enough! Guilt and condemnation became part of me. That was until I heard about the outworking of inner shame. Now my life is different!
I have discovered how to deal with my inner shame. My anxiety and stress levels have dropped enormously. I still have a lot on my plate as a working mum, but I am at peace and enjoying life now. Whereas, before when I woke in the morning, I was stressed and anxious about facing the day’.
The root cause of being in a state of stress and anxiety is shame!
The type of shame I’ll be referring to is not the result of public disgrace – an outward shame – like when someone names and shames you on Facebook. As painful as outward shaming can be, in this teaching, I’ll be referring to an unhealthy, hidden, inward shame. It’s a type of shame that creates a sense of low self-worth.
In 2 Corinthians, it tells us to renounce the things that are hidden through shame. Hidden, because we seek to cover up our shame.
In the book of Genesis chapter two we read that, before Adam and Eve sinned, they felt good about themselves and they “were not ashamed”. Continue to read on in Genesis 3:10 and you’ll soon discover that Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s instructions and gave in to the devil’s temptation.
The Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself”. Adam lost God’s presence and when God asked where he was, he replied, “I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself”.
Shame causes us to hide!
Adam lost God’s presence and hid from God. Shame causes us to hide from God and others! Having sinned, Adam experienced guilt, and now, considering himself flawed, he endeavoured to cover his shame.
As a result of sin, that cloak of shame has been passed on to all mankind.
Satan put shame, guilt and fear on Adam and Eve. God wasn’t playing hide and seek with Adam and Eve in the garden when he called, “Where are you?”
He wanted them to admit that they had sinned, that they had lost His presence and were ashamed. But instead, one blamed the other, the serpent, and even God for their actions.
As we uncover shame, you’ll see how we project our shame onto others. We’ll discuss how inner shame can be fuelled through one’s own guilt, like Adam and Eve.
Inner shame drives you to blame others.
Because we live in a fallen world, we are all vulnerable to shame. Even though you know differently as a Christian, (hidden shame) or inner shame, as I like to call it, makes you feel that you are never enough.
Shame creates stress when seeking to do and be good enough!
Can you relate to any one of these? A feeling of not being good enough. Not thin enough, not smart enough, you don’t love enough, can’t do enough, give enough, strong enough or tidy enough.
We all can brush off our feelings of guilt and further shame with the belief that no one will ever know what I’m feeling and thinking. As we dig deeper and further uncover shame, we’ll discover that inner shame encourages more shame.
Inner shame fuels your inner critic.
Inner shame causes you to be hard on yourself, always feeling you could do better, or should have done better.
Your inner critic can say things like: “Who do you think you are?”, “Why didn’t you…?”, “Why can’t you get it right?”, or “What’s wrong with you?”
So where do these negative thoughts come from? Negative thoughts can come from issues of the heart. They cause us to believe a lie about ourselves, which gives Satan a foothold to further accuse or torment us. He wants to remind us of our weaknesses and past failures.
We are now going to look at some of the many faces of inner shame.
Inner shame creates a need to control yourself and others.
The question is: “Are you being controlled, or do you feel that you need to be in control?” Do you feel the need to be in control?
The desire to please or rebel originates from inner shame.
Inner shame is likely to show itself in a dysfunctional family, driving family members to either please to be accepted, or to rebel.
Behind the lack of respect that we see in the world today, is inner shame! For when you don’t value yourself, you are not able to truly love and respect others.
When you teach your children how to be free from inner shame, you’ll empower them to show respect to others, because they have learned to respect themselves.
Inner shame can show itself through relationship breakdown.
Whenever there is a divorce, separation, adultery or family alienation you have to take a good look at inner shame.
“Why is that?” you ask. Because inner shame prohibits true intimacy in marriage and in other relationships. It’s difficult to really be open and let someone get close to you if you feel somewhat imperfect as a human being.
Shame, rejection, condemnation and guilt played a major role in Jeff and Sue’s marriage breakdown. Harsh and hurtful words, pushed each other’s buttons, and the inability to receive and give love and forgiveness, destroyed their relationship.
Can you identify with having been “put down”? Are you struggling in a relationship? Let me strongly suggest that if you are hurting, having been through or are going through a relationship breakdown. Keep going through the sessions as you will be healed and able to love again.
The next outworking of shame is a huge problem in our society today, and that’s ABUSE. Abuse is when you are used to fulfilling the unmet emotional needs of your abuser and left feeling abandoned with your emotional needs unfulfilled.
Inner shame is behind abuse.
All abuse, whether physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual or verbal springs from inner shame. In every case of abuse there is an acting-out of inner shame and a victimization of the innocent. A low self-worth comes from inadequate nurturing as a child.
Bill and I have listened to many ex-prisoner’s stories. All experienced abuse and addiction! Inner shame through fear causes us to cover up and keeps the abused in a state of co–dependency.
Inner shame is the root of all addictions.
John Bradshaw writes in his book, “Healing the Shame that Binds You”. “All addicts have a false belief system that no one could want them or love them as they are. In fact, addicts can’t love themselves. Addicts’ distorted thinking can be reduced to the belief that they will feel better if they drink, eat, have sex, get more money or work harder.”
If you are struggling with addictions check out this video: https://breakfreetoday.org/set-free/
As you can see, shame is a major problem in our society today. We will help you find freedom in the following sessions.
If you can’t wait to be free from inner shame. Go to: https://breakfreetoday.org/low-self-worth
Don’t miss any of the teaching:
How can I be sure I’ll go to heaven?
Why am I so stressed?
Why am I sometimes depressed?
Why am I sometimes depressed?
How to stop being so hard on myself
How break free from a low self-worth
How do I let go of past hurts
How to break free from bad relationships
How to break free from family weaknesses
How to remove self-defense walls?
How to deal with a past loss
Have You Found This Teaching Useful?